Wednesday, December 31, 2008

5:51 AM

It's 5:51 AM.  I have the sniffles. (a cold, not real tears) I miss my long hair today a lot. i have a newfound broccoli obsession in my life. And a newfound appetite... for food.. err.. maybe I have a tapeworm? I have just been hungry all day long, dang it! Did I mention that I want my long hair back? Bahhh! 

Monday, December 29, 2008

I'm Home

     Sorry for the lack of updates over the last week. Its not that my life is boring, I just didn't have WiFi at my parents house, and was too busy to hit up Panera.. Gosh.. This week has been.. a roller coaster to say the least. I am still processing all that has been going on in my heart, and am just trying to let the Lord have His way in my heart, that I might not lean on my own understanding. I think its easy to lean on our own understanding in situations, but so often I think we only have a piece of the puzzle... So I am doing my best at setting my heart before Him, and leaning on Him as my Father, and just trying to let Him love me, I guess. 
     I guess the piece of understanding that I do have if I were to sum up my week, is that sometimes going back is painful.  And sometimes there is much going on at work in us that causes us to be even more provoked at times.. (even over small things seemingly.. sometimes our family knows which buttons to push better than anyone). I can't say that I had a bad week... It was overwhelming at times.. Other times it was awesome.. If you are reading this blog and want to know more about what was happening, I will be glad to expound, but this thing is a little too much for some of that if ya know what I mean... But it was a lot.. And I am thankful to be back in Charlotte. I will write more later, but I need to get to sleep so I can get up and drink coffee and catch up with the girls.. Have a lovely night to all.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Ice Ice, Baby!

The title says it all.  Yes, ladies and gentleman, I just slammed my car in to a wall.  All parties involved are fine. (Aka, me and the wall... neither of which have medical insurance at the current moment) I am sitting at the lovely hotel with Elvis the small dog that I am tolerating (you all know how fond I am of small dogs...) most of them to me are just like overgrown rats, but I'm kind of enjoying the King.  He jumped up on me when I woke up and snuggled with me and gave me sweet Christmas puppy loving. I was quite happy. Now I'm getting ready to eat again (for the 20th time today) or should I say nibbling.. there have been random plates of assorted pastries lying around all day, and after much mental deliberation, I gave in to the "I will not eat crap" battle. I guess its not a battle worth fighting the day before Christmas. I wish you could all see my ridiculous snowboot/crazy tight/dress combo I have going on at the current moment. It is unique to say the least. But its fun, and its totally me. I just found out that I get to go to Wilmington the 3rd week of January to be with the Carrs. I'm beyond happy. Well, Angie and I are going downstairs for wine and macaroni and cheese. Have a wonderful evening!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Baby its cold outside!

Well, the title says it all.  It is a mere 16 degrees in dreary dayton, Ohio tonight folks.  Thank God it is supposed to warm up over the next few days.  I don't think my Carolina-thinned blood can handle this shanannigans for much longer.  All I have to say right now is that I am completely spent.  I caravaned up here with Jenna this morning at around 6 something AM after 3 something hours of tossing and turning.  I checked in to the hotel and ALL I wanted was a shower, and it was broken.  Some kind man came up and fixed it for me.  That wouldn't have normally gotten to me, but when I haven't had good sleep, everything is likely to make me curl up my lower lip like a 5 year old who missed naptime for the millionth consecutive day.  Other than a long day and bad sleep, I am extremely grateful to be alive.  I mean, I am seriously so thankful to the Lord for the little things right about now.  I really have nothing to complain about.  I should probably just enter His gates the way He tells us to, right?  So with that said, more later.. Im gonna go put on the garment of praise (aka, unpack my suitcase and literally find a colorful garment) and get ready to see my dear friends tonight.. I love you all.. To those in Ohio, I am excited to see you.. To those in the Queen City, you are dearly missed already.  Cheers.

Friday, December 19, 2008

"Blessed are you when you realize QUICKLY that you are not in control of your life."

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Kierkegaard says.....

     My ear hurts.  Ouch.  Jesus, please make it feel better (with my bottom lip curled up, and in my most pitiful 5 year old voice without proper "r" pronunciation.) I have no idea why I'm writing so much.  I think I go between write, ramble, write, ramble.. I guess it would be a bad thing if I ever got a Blogger Stalker, since I've been writing like twice a day so much about what has been going on in my life!  I think I'm maybe a little less of an introvert than I thought I was.  I have realized that I just love to be around people. But I have to have that alone time, or I'm toast.  
     Tomorrow I must go out and get more Christmas stuff out of the way.  Shopping is really the last thing I want to do right now (this time of the year is brutal in that mall!) but I just have to get the motivation to brave the stores.. And I have to get some warm socks before I go back to Ohio.  It is so dang cold, and my feet get so cold, so fast.  In fact, I get cold fast.  I was so freezing tonight at work, that I had my hands under the heat lamps for the food until my hand was red.. Oh well, it was worth it.  
     I leave you with this thought for the night: "During the first period of a man's life the greatest danger is not to take the risk." ~Soren Kierkegaard~


  Today has been nice.  I delivered everyone their cookies, and everyone is happy.  Yay for food!  I got some QT with Kaitlin this afternoon.  We hung out with Lora in the kitchen while I baked the rest of the cookies, and then looked for books in Peter's lovely library.  I've been wanting a new book to read, so I'm starting one here soon.. Its kind of a weird and eerie feeling to have lived in a place for 3 years, and to have seen so much transition in a 1 mile radius.  I think RP has seen more transition in 3 years then most small towns probably see in a lifetime.  It seems much more businesslike and organized than it used to be, thank God.  The level of chaos around here from 2005-2008 is night and day.. Which is great, because I don't operate well under "Were doing this, no were doing that." I think that letting your yes be yes and your no be no is so underestimated and important.  I have learned much about that in recent months, and am thankful.  
  As we were taking our walk around the Cause Construction Zone (haha) I was once again thinking about the fact that I live by a castle, and a tower.  Now, I have lived here long enough that sometimes I forget that there even is a tower and a castle.. But then I remember that when people come to visit, I have to preface them a little bit, as to remind them that NO, I am not in a cult.. I got all defensive about it not being a cult when I first moved down here, but now I crack up laughing, because most of my friends are extremely down to earth and amazing.. We just happen to live in a bizarre neighborhood.. 
  Last but not least, my time with the Lord has taken a continual turn over the last several days to the revelation that were not alone.. Its the entire gospel.. Its pretty much summed up in the 3 words, "You're not alone." I wrestle with that one alot.. Sometimes I feel very alone.. Very alone in the midst of people that I know love and care about me.  I think sometimes we just have to walk in that place of brokenness to know what it means to be full.. We never know what it looks like to experience true joy without having gone through trial.. The thing that sucks, is that we hate going through trial, and think that it couldn't possibly be the will of God.. Which is also a lie... We (I) just have to give ourselves over to the journey, and to the process.. We will never "arrive," and just when we think we have arrived, God gives us something else to wrestle with, if we are willing.. And sometimes, even if were not willing, He will give it to us anyway.  God says "The trial of our faith is more precious than gold."  I want to know what that means... Anyway, sorry to cut this short, but I'm off to sell beef...


     What a crazy couple of days.  I think the best way to explain what to title them is "raw, divine ambushing." Completely unexpected.. Never knowing when He's going to show up.. But He keeps getting me in my car..  Its just been so incredible.. And its not just this wave of joy.. Its actually really painful, but I can feel the real true Spirit of Adoption deep in my bones... It is real.. lasting.. He breaks off rejection of my life, by saying that I'm His daughter.. I so easily lose sight of that. But the more I start to lean in to His Heart, I start to soften... Its so crazy.. I can't ever recall feeling more vulnerable, weak, and soft than I do right now.. So I guess I just say, keep on keepin' on, God.. 

Saturday, December 13, 2008


     Well, here I am again, blogging at 3 in the morning... I was just hitting my head to my increasingly worn down pillow and decided to let out my heart while it's fresh with love.. It was an awesome day today. I spent the morning doing Avery and Tay's hair, which was awesome.  It was so good to see Chan and Tay.. They are so precious.. It breaks my heart to watch them be the ones that pay for choices that they have no control over.  I believe so strongly though, that they are a word sent down from Heaven, and every word that comes down does not go back up until God has his way... They have hope to be carriers of Gods heart, and Gods love.. God doesn't forget one word that was prayed over them.. None of it was ever in vain.  God is at work.  He loves those little girls.... I love them too.  
     We all hung out at Michelles tonight.. It was funny.. I seemed to lose all my cooking skills tonight.. Bizarre.  I couldn't even get pizza dough to get in to its lovely pie-like formation. I was rendered utterly useless, and left thanking God that Michael likes the art of pizza making.. Maybe it was my lack of sleep..  Or maybe I need to ask the Lord to draw the Italian out of me immediately! Oh well, I've mastered spaghetti, so I'll count my losses and move on with my life...
     We all got in to this hilarious (Peter lead) discussion on the "guy bar" of standards that girls have to meet for men at different stages throughout their lives.. It was fun, informative, and downright hilarious. I am seeing the wisdom of God so much in Him giving us more of what we need than what we want. And He loves the mystery and unveiling everything in His timing, not in our own.  It is a choice and a huge risk to choose to love.. It is scary, vulnerable, but so rewarding and worth it.. I have so many thoughts on this subject of "love and risk," but I have to get some sleep for now.. Goodnight, everyone!

Friday, December 12, 2008


So much can change in 6 hours.  I just got a message from Casey, one of my best friends, that her dad passed away early this morning.  If you are reading this, she would love prayer I am sure of it.  I feel kind of in a state of sleepless vulnerable shock right now.  She had suspected this would happen eventually, but not now, not this soon.  It stirs up this anger in me of course, because of seeing my own dad die of the same thing.. It makes you realize that we really are a vapor.  We aren't promised tomorrow.  God doesn't owe us tomorrow.  Even in knowing that statement, and hearing it a thousand times, it doesn't make it any less real when it happens.  I can also look and see the hand of God in all of this.. If I lift myself up high enough to see the aerial view, I can see so many more awnsers in regards to the timing of Casey and Casey getting married, the amazing healing that I have seen wash over her since they got married.. I could go on for so long.  It makes me really want to trust Jesus with my whole very life.  And I can.. So can you..
So today I leave you with this... Remember that you are like a flower of the field.. Here today, and gone tomorrow.  Love today, love the here and the now, and don't live in regret.  God is not distant.  All we have to do is call on him, and surrender.

Insomniac Part 2

Well, here I am again.. This time at 7 in the morning with no such luck at the sleeping thing.  I think it happens to me when my mind is thinking a lot, and also when the Lord wants me to pray.  I think this time its equal parts of both.  But one thing I dislike about being awake this early is that I'm really hungry, but I have nothing good to eat at home right now.  AND I have no desire to enter the wonderful world of Griday morning Charlotte rush hour traffic to make my way to one of the few desirable breakfast establishments that the QC has to offer.  So I'll leave you with a random list of things that I wish to do before I die.. In no particular order.

1.  Climb all 27 waterfalls in Santiago.
2.  Visit Santorini, and stay for at least a month.. And while I'm there, I want to live in one of the blue and white houses and Greek dance at least once an hour. (might need Anna's help on that one)
3.  Live to see God's finished work in my family. (this is not an if thing, but a when thing)
4.  See U2 in Europe.
5.  Eat a blowfish, and live to tell the story.
6.  Go back to Poland.
7.  Get the recipe for that house garlic dressing from Flavors Eatery.. (I will get it, I swear!)
8.  Learn another language fluently.
9.  Have the word hidden in my heart completely.
10. Play capture the flag in a European castle.. Oh, yeah...

Thursday, December 11, 2008


     Its 3:37 in the morning.  Do you know where your kids are?  Ha.. Im a slight insomniac tonight.  Partly by choice, partly a fluke.  I'm very glad I stayed up tonight though, because I got to talk to my sister Marysa for awhile on Facebook chat.. And as impersonal as chat can be sometimes, at other times I am grateful to have a line of communication when things are hard to talk out on the phone. It was good to even talk to her for the 15 minutes that we got.. For that, I would stay up another 24 hours and get no sleep.  Some things are just worth losing sleep over, ya know?
     I worked tonight.  I love the holiday season at my job.  Mostly because we get to change up the God awful lighting a bit, and make it look more cozy and inviting.. I've really been getting in to all the songs and santa hats, and Elf watching this year. I feel like a 5 year old in a lot of ways. And like it... Hey, were supposed to become like little kids if we want to inherit the kingdom, right? Well, why not start on the job.  I was waiting on one of my regulars tonight, Mr. Gentry.. And he was telling me about the night in his life that he consumed the most Jack Daniels (some nights that I wait on him, he's spent like $140 in JD) He said he drank on of the big bottles.. I was like, "Is your liver okay?" He said, "My livers great! Its huge! I can touch any part of my body and feel my liver!" He's such a character.. I love to wait on him.. If he has his friend Skip with him, they will totally do Beavis and Butthead impressions back and forth.. Its so funny, because they are well dressed businessmen.. It just makes me smile.
     Im still in the process of working on all of my Christmas stuff to take back to the homestead.. I'm trying to get really creative with everything this year. So far, Marysa is the only one I've bought anything for.. And its a really cool gift...
     Last but definitely not least... God is so cool.  He never leaves us.. He's been speaking to me all week about Hosea, and how he went and took a wife of unfaithfulness.. And no matter how much she cheated on him and went after other lovers, he still went after the woman he loved. I so often times find myself relating to Gomer.. Running after other lovers that I think will satisfy.. But God told me that he is going to unfold in my life before me, like the book of Hosea.. a work so deep that I will be in awe, because I already know I didn't earn or deserve it.  Such cool stuff.. Big God.. Bigger than I grasp as I write this.. Well, its 4 in the morning.. I need to sleep.. Love you all... Sleep tight, world!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I love the light at the end of the tunnel.  Just when I don't think it is coming, it pops up and covers me like a blanket.  It is true.. undeniable.. lovely... I think what happened, is that God is really more in control of my life than I thought He was.  I got this awesome revelation that has been sustaining me over the last few days.. The best way I can describe it is absolute purity.. I feel so clean, so pure.  And its so cool, because it really has nothing to do with my ability to attain purity, or cleanliness... Its because if God chooses to show mercy and bathe us in His blood, well.. He can pretty much do what He wants.. He is God. He is BIG.. He is pure.. He is clean.. He can do whatever He wants to me, even though I don't deserve it.  So this afternoon, I was getting ready for work, and I just kept speaking over myself over and over in true belief as God's daughter, "I am pure, I am pure, it is so good to feel pure." The cool thing is, that its not about the feeling. Its in the reality of the statement, that I AM PURE... Because God made me clean. Washed me and made me whole. Its a good revelation to ask for. The saying is so true... "Feel clean, live clean... Feel dirty, live dirty... Feel pure, live pure..." 
I have gotten another simple (yet profound) revelation on prayer this week.. God hears, and awnsers.. There might not be a whole lot of wind on some of those prayers, but it doesn't make them any less effective... Very cool.. Have a lovely night, to all..

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Today I bathe in regret.  Over so many things that I "could have, should have." They have been piling and piling for quite awhile..  Finally when you let them pile high enough, the hope of fixing all the messed up stuff seems unlikely. I don't feel hopeless, just overwhelmed by my own failure and inability to do anything right sometimes, it seems. I can't even say that I really know the right way to walk right now.  I want to walk uprightly.  I don't know that I know what that means anymore. I don't know the difference anymore between "prophetic" or just speaking what already is over somebody. So many things that just don't make any sense to me at all right now. So I guess my prayer right now, is "Sorry God, please break in." 

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Well, I'm better now.  Thank God.  I am going out today to look for Christmas presents.  I want to do something cool this year for Christmas.  I have a few ideas in mind, hope they work out.  I have an interesting pomegranate obsession lately.  I think I've eaten about 10-15 of them in the last 5 days.  I keep on saying, they're only in season once a year!  So I'm gonna keep on a keepin on... Love and peace to y'all... (I am southern now, you know...) But Ohio brought back my native northern spice.. (Hallelujah)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


I'm feeling a little better about life in general today.  A little bit.  Yesterday topped the charts of "top ten days I never want to have again." I don't really have a whole lot to say other than that.  I am praying that I don't fall in to that rut that I seem to be subject to once every several months.  The last time I was really in one was about 6 months ago, and I'm not about to go there again.  Well, a good day to all.  I'm going downstairs now for my 1:40 PM breakfast.  Cheers.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

OH the joy...

It's been awhile since I've been on here.. I just got home from Ohio a few days ago after being there for a week. It was good to see everyone. I guess I would have to label the time under the "bittersweet" category, though. I feel the distance, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't think day to day contact necessarily fixes growing up, and growing apart. I feel it in so many relationships in my life right now. I feel like I am living in a movie some days.. Like I'm this fictional character walking around and observing reality, but unable to live inside reality. Some days I wonder if that is my destiny. To be able to peer in only so far, but never pass the threshold and never truly enter in. The thought of it spits me out like a rushing river in to a sea (or stagnant pond) of regret. And then I float and try and tread through the "shit" water and then end up sinking in to the mud. But this time, I have come to realize that I have gone through this cycle so many times that one day I half expect God to leave me in my pile of shit, to be eaten by whatever passing animal walks by. Sorry so graphic, its the only way I can explain it at this point. But I'm hoping that one of these days, I will be thrown off of my somewhat "roller coaster" of an existance and be able to be of some use to people, and not just be a failure. This is not a self pity session, this is just my current reality. Well, other than that, I need another job. I can't handle only like 25 hrs a week.. I need to be more busy, I'm losing my mind. (and I need more money to support my hummus and cheese habit..) Well, have a good night to all...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My dream last night

I had a dream last night that I was with the Carrs (somewhere I'm not exactly sure where we were) But we were putting out the fire on this huge boat. I knew it was important that we were putting out the fire in this boat for some reason. Timothy was preaching, (in so many words) that he finally GOT it.. He wished he had gotten it years ago, because IT was the hidden secret. Love your life and you will lose it.. He kept walking around and talking about losing your life.. Then after we all got in the water to help put out the fire on the house boat, he got the whole family to get in a plane, told everyone he's not afraid anymore, and took them all to Europe.

Saturday, November 8, 2008


I am in the mountains as we speak.  It is so beautiful.  Josanne and I escaped to Boone-Wilkes-Moravia for the weekend.  Its so nice, and I feel so much rest and joy in the Lord being up here.  We drove on the Blue Ridge Parkway for hours today, went to some organic eatery for dinner, then made music videos in the hotel room for hours.  I laughed. I cried. I may wet the bed, too soon to tell.. But it was all worth it..  I have felt a deepening sense of the Lords presence, just being up here. There isn't that swirl that can overtake you in Ft. Mill sometimes.  I have been able to remember while being here that I am a daughter of God.  He whispers gently in to my ear, and His voice is sweeter than any of the other noise that tries to prevail over me.  I need it much and gladly receive... Thank you Lord..  Thank you for joy and peace.. Amen..  Grace and peace to all..

Monday, November 3, 2008

Oh yeah, baby!

Well, it has definitely been an action packed few days.  Lora had the baby late Saturday night at 11:56... So amazing.. The timing and everything.. Its really amazing how God's timing is completely perfect.  Leo had been saying for days and days (he's 2 1/2) that the baby would be born on Saturday, and that it would be a boy.. Now on Lora's end, thinking about the baby coming on Saturday was like waiting an eternity.. Even on my end, I was watching and thinking, "Man, I would have gotten induced already..." But looking back on the week, the timing was amazing.. Little Joseph is perfect.. Innocent, helpless, dependent.. All he really does is eat and sleep and cry.. It is so fun to hold him and try and figure out how to get him to stop crying.. They don't come with instruction manuals, you know.. When it says to raise up a child in the way he should go, it doesn't come with fine print that explains how to differentiate the "feed me" cry from the "change me" cry from the "just hold me" cry... It is the beauty of discovering who they are as an individual son or daughter to figure out how to attend to their individual needs... It blows my mind to think about.. it is sweet to watch and learn in preparation for the day that I get to differentiate my own baby's several ringtones, and how to respond to each of them.. So I'm having fun with the process.. And am loving this new little life that has only been here for like 48 hours... More later.. Have a lovely night to all...

Saturday, November 1, 2008


So I'm officially sick of politics... Like for real. And I'm not just talking on the media end that mercilessly slanders anything conservative or pro-life. I'm talking on the conservative side as well, that is in some cases a closed door to the possibility of God being big and accomplishing His purposes His way and in His timing. Now I'm going to be careful here.. But isn't he the creator of the Heavens and the Earth.. The one who puts rulers in and takes them out..? So how do we know the avenue in which He is going to accomplish this? I think we can grow incredibly arrogant in our thinking (as the church) and completely dispel the big picture of down the road.. We really don't know what will happen.. God teaches us how to pray.. He said to pray "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.. Give us this day our daily bread.. Forgive us our trespasses.. As we forgive those who trespass against us.. lead us not in to temptation, but deliver us from the evil one." He taught us to pray His Kingdom come.. His will be done.. Not "your kingdom come your will be done only if it looks like its probably the way you would work because this is the way you've worked in the past... as it is in heaven.." My point is, God is BIG.. Big G big O big D... He's a romans 8:28 new testament, awesome "works all things for good" God.. I'm not coming at this from a lazy greasy grace perspective.. It's the truth of who he says he is in his character.. He can really do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or speak.. So heres my final conclusion.. If Obama becomes president, are we gonna pray for him? Are we really gonna pray for him, or are we going to complain and talk about how everything he does is evil... Are we going to put up a picture of him in our classrooms and honor him as a leader and take up the cause to pray for him like we would pray for Bush? This is the kingdom of God, people.. Its the real deal.. Its loving your enemies, and praying for those who persecute you. Okay I'm done with my little rant..

Thursday, October 30, 2008


"There is all this untouched beauty.. the light, the dark both run right through me.. is there still redemption for everyone."

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Late Sleepin'

I just woke up.. Surprise, surprise.. I have had a hard time falling asleep this week. I woke up this morning feeling almost giddy.. I love those mornings that for no good reason at all, you just wake up and are giggly and smiley.... I worked last night, and it once again followed suit with the increasingly steady amount of good nights lately. (whoa big sentence, batman) So I was really happy and really grateful to have had a steady income the last several weeks, to say the least. Gotta love that feast or famine fine dining stuff (okay so famine to me there is making like $75 a shift) but anyway, its pretty sweet.  This weekend my friend John is visiting from Nashville.. Its gonna be fun to hang out with him and all the girls.. Lora is gonna have that baby any moment now.. Everyone thinks its a boy, but me.. And I'm not completely convinced its a girl, I think I may just be having prophetic baby rebellion.. I think its kind of like a sports team.. everyone picks a side, whether you win or lose.. So I'm still rooting for the girl.. And if all else fails.. Well.. At least we know there is a baby in there.. ha. So.. To conclude all of this scattered, random, run on sentence, Tess being tired nonsense...... I like today.... I like the newness that I feel today. The newness that is available every day, but for some reason it is quite real today.. Have a lovely day, people.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Rainy Day

I'm laying in bed (at noon) listening to the rain outside.. Yes, I was up quite late.. I think I had too much caffeine late at night. I feel like Seattle today. Except, I would rather be in Seattle today.. I miss the northwest. I have absolutely no plans of which to speak on my day off today. To be honest, I wouldn't mind working tonight and attempting to break a record for the week. I have a wine tasting at work tonight, which I'm excited about. I love trying new things.. Okay, this blog officially sucks, I have nothing interesting to talk about right now.. Grace and Peace...

Thursday, October 23, 2008


Today I woke up with a familiar feeling.  Actually I kind of went to bed with it already marinating last night, and was not pleased to wake up to find that it was still lurking in my room or under my bed and such. I thought of giving myself over to this familiar feeling for the last couple of days.. But then I decided that it has never gone well in the past, and always ends up in some sort of disaster. This ugly lurking hanging feeling is depression.  It loves to try and hang itself over the heads of sons and daughters, telling them that what God has made clean is still just a little bit unworthy, so you might as well just throw in the towel, and give yourself over to it. The problem with this type of reasoning, is that it can't and won't ever produce any sort of fruit in our lives. It all goes back to a feeling of unfairness about our circumstances. Sometimes over things we can change, and other times over things that we have had no control over. And you want to know the one thing that will take the head off that depressive, inward, orphan spirit? Get really grateful about what you have at this very moment. Not what you had yesterday, not what you're gonna have tomorrow.. So here's a toast to gratefulness.. I'm off to St. Arbucks to find my retired marine friend, Jim. I want to hear one of his war stories.. Peace out.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Just like You

I have told this story before to some close friends, and distant strangers before. But I have halted for some reason in telling in to the world. I don't know if that is because of the vulnerability that it draws out of my heart. Or if its a reflection of the ache that still lies there. But for some time now I've been feeling like its important for me to tell this story of one day, a few years ago in my life. This will forever be on the top ten list of memories. I think some days you need to testify of the faithfulness of the Father in your life to remember that He's been there all along. And that He never leaves.. Sometimes its easy to think that He's not there.. But I've come to realize that most of the time He's only hiding, waiting to be found.. It's probably the main promise from God that has kept me and carried me through my walk... "I will never leave you, nor will I forsake you." If we could only consistently believe this simple truth, it would break the power of the orphan spirit off of our lives, and cause us to walk out our lives as sons and daughters of promise. But so often we clothe ourselves in the garment of shame, instead of the garment of praise, which promises to defeat the spirit of heaviness in our lives... I am writing this to everyone... For believers, I am writing this to remind you that you are a son of God.. Or a daughter of God.. I write this to the unbeliever as a sign that God doesn't really have to prove Himself to us... but loves to.. And for you to know that you have never been forgotten.. that you are loved.. And all you have to do is believe and receive..
To give you some backroundso that this story will make more sense, you need to know that I grew up with an incredible father. He was this amazing business man that always came home in these way too expensive italian suits, and leased expensive cars.. Some of my earliest memories of my dad were of his Mercedes Benz that we had when I was 3.. I called it the "sit sit car" because the loud diesel engine on the thing was so loud, that I could tell he was coming home from work when he was like a mile away. My dad was serious and very meticulous, but he had this incredible streak of dry, quirky smart ass in him (inheritance, ah em...) He was passionate and loved to take us out to wine and dine (without the wine) to these sweet restaurants. We went rollerskating at Skateworld every saturday until I was 13 and got "too cool" to hold his hand during the moonlight skate anymore. He took me to gymnastics every weeknight from the time I was like 10, because he knew how badly I wanted to make it to the Olympics (I think he thought I could do it) He taught me the art of microwave dinners before going to the gym, and after we got home, we would lay in our family room/his weight equipment room, against pillows that we would prop up against his treadmill, and watch Star Trek the next Generation with one of our 2 cats on my stomach, one on his. I actually hated watching Star Trek, but I loved being next to my dad, and I hated going to bed on time. (Some things never change) Now don't get me wrong. He still was a pain in my butt at times. I can remember him trying to get me to "get" my math homework in 6th grade.. Well, I wasn't getting it and kept falling asleep.. So what did he do? Poured water all over my head.. He didn't let me get away with anything. He protected me against boys off all kinds.. He even told me that if any guy ever messed with me, he would get a gun and shoot him. He didn't care about jailtime. (I'm still pretty convinced that he would have gone through with it)
I never grew up wondering if I was loved by my dad. I was loved, and I knew it. He told me over and over how much he loved me.. He signed every card I got my entire life with "All my love, Dad." And I knew he meant it with his entire heart. I was so blessed.
When I was 14, my dad was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. I was completely devastated. My heart was so broken, I didn't think I'd ever recover. I became so filled with rage, that I decided to smash any remains of my already barely tangible knowledge of God.. In fact, I decided that no good God would kill my father.. So I decided that He didn't exist at all.. I'll spare you most of the details of the next 2 1/2 years, but I can tell you they weren't fun. I was on so many drugs by the time my dad died, and I was so numb that I hardly even reacted. I spent the 3 1/2 months following his death on more drugs (and in more shady situations) than most 17 years olds should ever see. That summer my mom (lovingly;) had me court ordered to boot camp (Christian boot camp at that!) in the beautiful, sunny, Dominican Republic.. Ha ha.. Thats another story (that I will gladly tell in detail if you're interested) but basically I spent the next 2 years with absolutely no say in my life whatsoever. I couldn't even enter another room without permission. After much pain and trying to have my own will, God apprehended me (this is the only way to explain it) I don't know if I had a choice in the matter.. He just came and breathed love in to every fiber of my being one night, and said with the kindest voice of a father I had ever heard, "will you just trust me?" This was the beginning of new life.. So now I'm going to jump ahead like 5 years to tell the real story I've been trying to tell from the blog title.
A few years ago, I was getting ready for work one day. I had been singing this song, "just like you" as I was getting ready for work. I had sang and heard this song thousands of times it seems, but for some reason, something was coming out of the depths of my heart as I was singing it that day. I started to pray the words of the song "I desire to be like you.. Like any son or daighter, I want to be like my father.. Cause I desire to be like you. You promised to never forsake me, so I'll risk it all if you make me like you..." Then it goes on to say, "Father make me just like you.. Daddy make me just like you, I wanna be just like you." I couldn't put my finger on why those words were so powerful as they were coming out of my mouth that day, but something was being stirred inside of me..
Later that night at work (I was waiting tables at a hotel in Charlotte) I had a million tables.. And not only that, but they were scattered all over the restaurant. I was literally at the point that I couldn't take any more tables, or I would have lost my mind.. But then our hostess (my friend) was talking to this couple at the host stand, and found out that they were from Ohio, and they DEMANDED to sit in my section because they found out that I was also from Ohio. I was less than thrilled to have any more people in my section, friendly Ohioans or not. I was swamped. So nevertheless, they sit down at my table. They were old and had such a look of kindness on their faces. They were not your typical table that would come in.. They began the conversation with, "So, were from Ohio also..." And I was like, "oh sweet, me too." And for some reason, I had to know where they were from in Ohio.. So I said, "Where are you from in Ohio?" And they were like, "Oh, you've probably never heard of it... its a little town called Centerville." So then I'm like, "No way, thats where I just moved from in Ohio...Where in Centerville do you live?" And the husband goes, "Oh, right by Bills Donuts." And I'm like "no freaking way, thats right where I was living right before I moved here." And then the man asked me my last name... I said, "um, I'm sure you've never heard of it, its Marderosian." Then the man looked up at me with this look in his eyes of both sadness and surprise and said, "Not as in Chip Marderosian is it?" And at this point I'm in shock. I'm living in Charlotte and these people are coming from like flipping Florida for some winter vacation... demand to sit in my section because they know I'm from Ohio, and now they know my dad.. I said, "You knew my dad?" He then said, "Oh yes, he was our realtor.. He sold us both of our houses." He had known that my dad had died, and him and his wife looked at me with sadness in their eyes, and told me how much they had liked him, and how deeply sorry they were." At this point, I was practically undone, while trying to wait on my other tables.. My heart was so stirred and unraveled at the same time, that I could hardly do my job at all.. And the one question that I wanted to know all of a sudden, was "I wonder if they think I look like my dad." It had been so many years that had passed since I had seen my dad. I had this flood of pain, and loss, and joy, and faith, and that feeling again of being apprehended come all over me. These "random" people who were 500 miles from where I live where I come from, knew part of the most intimate, painful part of my life to an extent, right then and there. I continued to run plates of food back and forth from the kitchen, with only one question running through my mind.... Do they think I look like him? I ached to know.. As I was finally able to get back to their table to bring them their check, the man grabbed my arm firmly and looked me dead in the eye, and said, "I want you to know you look just like your Father." I don't have any idea how I finished the rest of my night at the restaurant. I was so completely undone in the goodness of the Lord, I was useless. I remember getting in to my car, and just crying tears (I don't know if weeping even covers what those tears were) It made my whole life. It made all the moments in my life of doubt and pain worth it. One sentence changed my entire life.
I have my speculations about that couple from Ohio. Sometimes I think of the verse about "Entertaining Angels." And then sometimes I think that they were just ordinary people on an ordinary day, driving back from retirement to get some dinner. I still have no idea.
After spending much time reflecting on the true goodness of God on that "ordinary day," this is what He showed me. Most of our asking to be made like him, is really asking for what is already our DNA. When we ask Him to come and take up residence in us, our rebirth is for real. We get "God DNA" and everything else that comes with being born. So the prayer that I had been praying that day before work had already come to pass. It came down to believing about what God says I am.. Its about believing that He already calls us lovely. That we look like Him just the way that I look like my dad. How cool is that? What measures that He takes just to show us how much He cares.. He knew how important that moment was going to be for me... I'm so thankful.. My conclusion to this blog, is never underestimate ordinary days. You just never know what He might do.. It could be once sentence that will change your entire life forever.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Slow Burning

     I have been less than consistent in keeping up with this whole blogging thing.  I've actually had alot on my mind and my heart to write about, but haven't quite completed the transaction from my brain to this post yet.  I seemed to hit a brick wall a few weeks ago with the Lord.. I mean, its funny that I even say that, because He doesn't change. He's the consistent, never changing. "yesterday today and forever," so most likely it was me that was getting distant and distracted. So I asked the Lord what to do. And to preface a few things, I was not in a place where I could handle any more prophetic words to put on the shelf in my prophetic shoebox in my prophetic closet. I needed something solid. I didn't need little signs.. I didn't need a rush of emotion to flood me.. These are generally things that I can tend to thrive on, but lets face it, we can't base our lives on these things much of the time. So I was sitting in utter frustration, asking the Lord in my mind what I should do that I could tap in to that stream where life starts to flow in me again, where I know that He's in charge and that I could trust him. I was actually sitting in the mall surrounded by chaos at this particular moment, and all I heard was "Sit before the Word, and begin to let it wash over you." And this probably seems like such an obvious thing to do, but its amazing how quickly we can forget how powerful just sitting before His word is.  Its so solid, so unchanging.. And as I began to do this, I have been tapping in to that well of life. I can't say its flowing full force, but I am beginning to feel a burning starting to take place like when you first light a fire. But this time I'm not so much after the huge flames that happen when you first light a bonfire. Those are the flames that quickly burn out. The fire I'm after is what happens when it has been burning for hours in a campfire, and those logs become that really intense, really hot, really hard to put out kind. They are steady and solid, and roast the best marshmallows. They may not be the most loud and flamboyant, or spitting out massive amounts of smoke.. But they are in there, and they are producing a slow, steady heat. I'm thinking this is a good thing.. I'll update you all soon.

Just a thought

Romans 7:24 "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of sin and death?"

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Better than wine

Nothing is ever guaranteed to us in this life.  We aren't promised tomorrow.  He doesn't owe it to us.  We might only have today.  So right now at this very moment, I am living in, breathing in what He is doing today.  The here and the now.  The peace of His presence is all I have, and all that I need.  How quickly I turn to chase other lovers less wild than Him.  Draw me, and I will run after you.  Your love is better than wine.  And you know how I like wine.

First Love

"Letting go of all that surrounds me.. I'm returning to my first love.. I surrender, Lord take all of me.. I'm returning to my first love."

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Industry and Fire

Well, here I am... Still in bed at noon on Sunday with no great expectations of getting up soon.. Its one of those days where I'm going to be at work until all hours of the night, so I've decided to just lay here.. Productive, I know.. But maybe slightly necessary. I have a bit to process with the Lord that I have been covering up in recent weeks, and if He wants to speak, I want to listen. I came to the realization last night, that I have to get out of this industry soon. My nights are all sucked away in to the abyss of the food service industry. And it has nothing to do with me liking or not liking it. I actually (unlike alot of people i know) love waiting tables. I love it where I do it especially. I love the challenge of selling good wine and causing my tables to try new things.. I love being able to convince someone that "if they order the top sirloin, they're gonna go home regretting not ordering the ribeye..." Its really cool to get sat a table that is in a really badass mood, and be able to completely turn their night around.. Make them smile.. And the money has always been not only good money, but QUICK money.. I mean its been slow lately, but the economy always boosts back up eventually.......... So whats my beef with this industry? Its just dang hard.. It has an entire culture that goes along with it..  It is very hard to work from 4-11 most nights, and then come straight home and go to bed.. I mean, its just not going to happen... So you create a community within the culture that you're placed.. And sometimes it is awesome, and you get to see God do amazing things... and then sometimes its really rough.. You know, when you're in Rome do as the Romans do.. Im not saying to do this.. Im just saying.... Ya know what Im sayin? So I guess if Im going to stay in this industry, Im going to have to set up some serious boundries as to when and where I spend my time.. I woke up this morning and really realized that (and had been for weeks.) 
Other than work, I've been dry as a freakin haystack spiritually for weeks now.. I don't view this as a bad thing anymore. I see it as positioning to ignite in to flames.. And I want to be lit up in the worst way possible at this very moment.. So this is my plea for you to light me up again, God.. If you'll light me, I'll burn..

Friday, September 12, 2008

What kind of love...

I was just wondering... what kind of love can be so infused in to a person that they could take the killer of their child in their arms in complete forgiveness.. I am struggling to comprehend this in my worldly mind.. Only looking in to Jesus's eyes can that make any sense. I have been reading countless stories of people that no one has ever heard about, who have forgiven and prayed for the killer of their child (or multiple children) I don't even have kids yet.. And in my mind I can only imagine the love that you have for your child.. So I guess this is my weak heart asking to know this kind of love.. This kind of forgiveness. It can only happen with such an infusion of the Love of God.. I can't say at this moment that I quite get that.. But I want to.

Friday, September 5, 2008

My Night

Today was a good day.  Or I really should say, a good night.  The day part was me being in pain (my stomach was just not my friend today) I walked in to Morningstar with an attitude in my heart, not quite wanting to be there, even though I was excited Jonathan Helser was leading. I had zero expectation in my heart for the Lord to meet me, and I half thought He didn't want to. I wanted to eat my dark chocolate espresso beans in peace, by myself, dangit. But I made a non emotional decision to go stand off to the side of the stage, and "fake my way in the gates of thanksgiving." I felt absolutely nothing for about the first 10 minutes.. And then the river started to flow.. And then the dam broke. I started to laugh and smile and after about 20 minutes, I was simultaneously laughing and weeping at the same time. By the time they were ready to do the offering, I could barely stand on my feet it was so thick. I think I about fell on Claire's leg, and had my head laid on Molly's leg for the next 10 min. after that. I had no idea going in just how desparately bad I needed that. How much I needed Him.  And I had it in my head that He didn't and wouldn't really show up for me tonight. I haven't had 45 minutes like that since the beginning of the breakout meetings in April. It was such a tangible, powerful presence of God's love for me.  I am so thankful.  It was so needed.  I need Him.  
The art show was fun.  Lots of art and friends, old and new.  I have really enjoyed meeting new people.  Its such a new season. Wow.  We ended the night at Sir Ed's (surprise, surprise) with the usual jerk nachos.  Now its off to bed for another full night tomorrow night.  John Mark's CD release party at the Visualite, and then a Headlamp Dance Party afterparty.  I need to get up in the morning and buy a headlamp, and then take some dance lessons by tomorrow night.  And the Greek Festival tomorrow.. I can't forget about the Greek Festival.  Baklava and honeypuffs never have let me down.. Have a stunning evening, and a breakfast filled morning to all who read these words.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Instant Replay

It is 2 in the morning. I should be asleep, but am awake, nevertheless. So I will try and say something profound, even though my brain is mush about now. Okay..... wait for it.... here it comes... crap I forgot. Nothing profound, so I'll recap my day. I woke up, went on a cleaning and organizing frenzy after a whole pot of french pressed gazebo... I daydreamed and played music while doing so. I listened to Great River Road, and started missing Clare. I drove to Southpark dreaming of a new shirt, and everything was a million dollars (surprise, surprise.. even clearance can be pricey) I went to work, and consumed way too much MORE coffee, leading to virtual heart palpitations (not a good thing) I talked to Em for a long time tonight, which was the highlight of my ordinary day.. I was so excited that Heather had a 2 hour labor, and a GIRL! And a beautiful baby at that.  I delighted (somewhat) in the fact that God orders my steps. I have to really grasp on to that one by faith, sometimes. In my own brain, I'm like, "are you actually in all of this?" And He so kindly reminds me that he is.. And that He will be.. And that He has been.. And will continue to be. He is so kind. He doesn't have to be so kind, but I'm so glad he is. I've been stirred lately to start writing down some of the testimonies of "God Things" that I've seen in the Lord. Ill try and remember the really fun ones, for all of your viewing pleasure. Well, grace and peace to everyone, I'm out. Like a light...

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Coffee and such

I don't have much time to write today, so this is gonna be kind of scattered and such.  I'll give you a rundown of  the loves and unloves (is that a word?) of the last several days.. I have decided to have a life long love affair with french pressed coffee. There is no substitute with a regular coffee maker. I'm discovering that to do so is just a downright travesty. I have discovered once again that I have a few questions brewing in my heart, but complete peace from my Father, which is good. Really good, actually. I am recovering from a nasty cold that I caught over the weekend (and ended up getting really well needed sleep as a result) which I'm very grateful for. Last night during worship, the sweetness of the Lord was so good to me. It was completely unexpected (I didn't have to work) and much needed. By the end of the night, my heart had melted, and I knew that I had entered His rest. I'm excited about this weekend. Art show on friday, greek festival somewhere saturday during the day (hinging on the potential hurricane weather) and then the Visualite on Saturday. I love the way that place is set up, its my favorite venue around here. Well, I have to go now... To all who are reading this, know that you are most definitely, absolutely, lavishly, crazily loved today. Until next time....

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Clean Hands

I am standing right now in awe of the goodness of the Lord.  He has been so kind to me in my life. It has nothing to do with my ability to perform, or to earn His love. Its His kindness that draws us to repentance. I am in awe of the change of the seasons, and how quickly they can indeed change. I didn't believe a few months ago that I would ever come out of the previous season (which seemed like a never ending winter) I am being drawn back to my first love.. He melts my heart like wax.  Its so good. 
I've been thinking so much lately about the day the Lord first met me when I was 18.. I was ambushed by the LOVE of God in a place of complete rebellion. I was throwing a fit, trying to get my way, and I got completely gripped by love. And I've realized that the most amazing feeling about that day that I met the Lord (7-8-00) was the overwhelming purity that washed over me. Everything was pure. And I had grounds to be pissed off. I had just watched my dad slowly for the last 3 years.. I hated church, and thought that God was a fascist dictator who threw lightening bolts and was sending me to hell with a smile on His face... This is what I learned in church, people! So when you get a real encounter with the LIVING God, it changes everything. I would sometimes just sit when we would have movie nights, and daydream about the purity of the Lord, and how I was still in shock months later of how clean I knew I was. Thats what happens when He takes up residence in you. He moves in. Never leaves. Thats what we really want. We want people to loves us, and to never leave.  He's the only one who can really live up to that standard. I am so thankful for clean hands and a pure heart. And He even stays when we go out and play the harlot and chase after other lovers. He is in His love for His children. 
I don't even know if many people read this, but I encourage you to take a moment today and meditate on what He has rescued you from. You overcome the enemy by the blood of the lamb, and by the word of your testimony. You never know.. Your words over someone elses life could potentially be the thing that breaks off the power of the enemy. If you're reading this and feel like you're stuck and have never heard from God, just do what my friend John did many years ago.. Say "God, if you're real, show yourself to me." He really will.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Pinotage and Trust

     Well here I am at 2 in the morning, awake again. Surprise, surprise. Here was my day in short. Woke up from the first incredible nights sleep in weeks. Ate Cream of Wheat (gotta get the iron somehow) Went to the gym and decided after 15 minutes on the cross trainer that today was just not the day for it. Cut Deborah's hair. Went to work. Tasted some killer wines from South Africa. Watched The DNC and am SO ready for someone to get elected, so I can stop hearing about it all day long. (besides hillary, it is such a man sport) had dark chocolate espresso beans.... And am sitting here WONDERING why I'm still awake.. Hmmmph..
     The Lord is good.. He's in control. He is teaching me once again, how to trust... lean... rest.... Its hard to do when the world teaches you that you've gotta "get yours" and manipulate all situations.. Its much easier to do that.. But so much more rewarding to trust. So heres my toast to trusting.. Amen, Im off to dreamland.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Trusting and Shopping

     I am awake at a weird hour once again, so I guess Ill take advantage of the time and update this thing.  It has been an interesting week. Lots of swirl going on in my brain. Mostly the swirl is really good, most intriguing to me. The other part of it that I would usually call bad, is mostly a place that is learning how to trust that God is REALLY in all of it. Like, to the very fiber of my being in it. I have a hard time of that sometimes. Its much easier to control things than to relinquish our control to the Father, and believe that He really does order our steps. Actually in the long run, its much easier to just trust Him and get on with it, than to control your own life. What does that song say? "I give up control of my life and my destiny, I give up control right now." Its true. And its also easier said than done. 
     My day off yesterday was very chill. I got stuck at Concord Mills in a torrential downpour for like 3 hours. So I just wandered around and dreamed about fall weather, and listened to the interesting array of "mall selected mid 90's music." In the meantime, the dead sea lotion people mercilessly harassed me to buy their miracle lotion and nail buffers about every 50 yards. Then there are the people 50 yards further than those 50 yards trying to grab your hair and convince you that the flat iron that you own is a piece of crap, and that try and demonstrate by giving you this look that signifies "your hair looks awful" to try and lure you in to their $100 flat iron.. I laugh now when I walk by. I'm like, dude, I do hair.. I have a GHD.. And FINALLY, they have started to leave me alone. Just don't tell those people if you own a Chi Flatiron.. You will be toast for sure.
     I spent some time with Mandy at Levi and Heathers with an assortment of lovely Cranes. It was fun.. I gave Heather a foot massage trying to trigger pressure points in her feet to send her in to labor.. Guess we'll find out soon enough! Well, peace out, I'm awake, so I might as well go out to breakfast and read. Have a wonderful day, to all who are reading this.

Friday, August 22, 2008

foot and mouth

     I have been recently pondering how much my thoughts, opinion, and yes... even my heart can change so very quickly... overnight, even.  The subject of this "foot and mouth" blog, is addressing the southern region of the United States of America, and how my heart has changed toward it in recent months.
       You see, there are things about those of us being raised anywhere north of Kentucky, that can potentially baffle you when you take the plunge in to the great land of pickled eggs and fried okra.  In fact, I'm still not sure what vegetable family that okra is related to... Can someone shed some light on me? You see, I was raised in the land (or household) of spinach salad with strawberries and balsamic vinagrette with wild caught salmon with asparagus, and I was suddenly thrust by the Good Lord in to the land of collard greens cooked in bacon with cornbread and okra! And boiled peanuts.. we can't forget boiled peanuts.. (for the record, to anyone reading this that is from the south, I have a point, and will eventually bring it all back home for you)  Fried, fried, everything fried.. I have found out since being in the south, that you can fry anything.. Even a twinkie.. No joke.. Back home, if you go out to dinner and ask for iced tea, they bring you unsweet tea with a caddy of sweeteners... HERE, unless there is a detection of a southern drawl, sweet tea is a given.. And heres the thing about sweet tea.. Its, well.... really sweet. And the scarier part? Its really good.. In fact, looking back on my time in the south, the first part of my southern conversion has been my occasional glass of sweet tea..
One day a couple weeks ago, I even decided to give the cajun boiled peanuts a try.. Once again, it was a party in my mouth. Oh crap, what is happening to me? I AM FROM THE NORTH LORD!  I think one of my biggest pet peaves was the dreaded accent.. Okay, I don't mean dreaded... not really.. I just didn't quite understand the progression of the syllables and the conjugation of the verbs.. Let me use one of my favorite examples.. "How are you?" Sometimes I would encounter someone and would hear "Hawrrrryuuuu?" And then there was "I appreciate you" I would consistently get "Preccciatcha." So you get the point.. I had an opinion.. I formed a judgement.. A very inaccurate judgement over an entire region of the country.
So let me bring this ship back in to the harbor and make my point... My bias northern heart has been melted like drawn' butter by the south. It seemed to happen over night. I find myself doing things lately that I would have never done. I'll give you my list of examples..
1.  2 weeks ago I purchased my first proud jar of pickled okra, and ended up falling in love.
2.  Yesterday I bought a jar of bread and butter pickle and onions, and almost ate the entire jar. (scary, its a nice size jar)
3.  I don't despise southern accents anymore. In fact, they've grown on me at an alarming rate.
4.  I have (on occasion) allowed my taste buds to adapt to collard greens, strange and anonymous types of peas, beans, and other unidentified sources of protein.
5.  I have eaten more parts of the pig than I would want anyone to know about in the north.
6.  I am now an avid believer of the statement, "You can fry anything" Its true, its true, we can even fry you..
7.  When I catch a y'all slip out of my mouth, I don't beat myself up about it anymore.
8.  Boiled peanuts are off the chain when theyre done right (cajun style)
9.  I am 100% confident that bacon really does make EVERYTHING better.. 
10. Charleston.. And the Charleston accent.. Its amazing.
So here I am with my foot in my mouth once again.. And I am happy to have it there.. Its good to have a changed heart.. And to grow in love with a place that wasn't originally your #1 pick. You will be given stories.. Memories.. Biscuits and honey.. Less of what you wanted, and more of what you needed.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Armor All

     Okay, so I guess this is my first "for real" post.  I woke up this morning in a very organizational mood, and decided to tackle my car with the shop vac and the armor all.. It makes me quite happy with its glossy finish, and "new car" appearance.. One day soon, I will be cleaning a for real new car, but for today, my increasingly ghetto Corolla will have to suffice. 
     It has been a really awesome couple of weeks around here.  If nothing else, there has been an increasing lightheartedness taking root in me that I've been asking the Lord for for some time now. Its funny how we ask, and we wait, and we ask, and we wait... and then we hit that point where we don't ever think its going to happen.. And then it comes and you start to wear it and step in to it... and you realize that the change is real and lasting.. not the change that I try and strive for out of performing.. but the change that only comes from putting myself in front of God and admitting that I am helpless to change without Him.. And that it really doesn't have a whole lot to do with me.. I love that about God. His ways are so other than us.. We try to wrap our minds around it, but we never quite make it all the way around. Its pretty incredible.
      My beloved Summer Olympics are coming to a close.. Well, the gymnastics anyway. It was a love hate relationship with Beijing. The judges sucked, the chinese girls were like 11, and 2 of our girls got robbed.. BUT the beam final made it all worth it. I think I may have had tears in my eyes I was so happy. I NEVER get worked up over a game, but I guess when you play a sport for half your life, and its part of your childhood.. ya know.. 
     Well, the grand and final conclusion of this blog, is that I need to stay as far away from Target as I can. You can't go in for "just a shirt." Its impossible.. And I'm usually really good with money.. So I'm staying away from there.. Okay, gotta get ready to leave.. Grace and Peace.

Oh, Blog...

Well, I feel such a sigh of relief in having a blog that is outside of myspace.  I'm always seeing everyone's lovely blogs, so I decided to start one of my own.  I will do my best to clearly articulate my thoughts on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.. Oh blog, I will try not to let you down.. Peace out.