my weekend

Yes... I need an alignment something fierce on my Corolla that is daily getting close to the homeland that it is truly called to live and dwell in for eternity. To be honest, I would rather just not get one done at all and just let the car die so I can get an Impreza... But being the responsible human being that I am, the "voice of reason" has prompted me to stick to plan A, and let the Corolla die of natural causes. Daaaang it. Now the beautiful thing right now, is that I have gotten quite the spiritual alignment over the last several weeks! God just really snapped my heart back in to the place where He wanted him.. To the place where I can feel the sound of His heartbeat again. When I am faithless, He remains faithful, and for that I am so thankful. I am starting see in the spirit much more clearly since all of this has taken place, and have been able to encourage people much more... This I like. Keep laying it on me, Jesus!
This past weekend was a whirlwind. Mandy and I rented a car and I drove her to Nashville to see her parents.. Oh, and on a side note, I did 2 things the day of the trip that I swore I would never do: go to the chiropractor and drive an American car. But of course I have been humbled in both situations. My back definitely felt better all week long, and we ended up with a 2009 fully loaded Ford Focus with a sunroof and Sirius Radio, black leather interior. I must admit that any car that has butt warmers AND satellite radio, AND only 10 miles on it is going to get the Tess seal of approval. We were sad to take her home to Enterprise.. But I would still never buy a Ford. (my daddy trained me well). So anyway, we spent the first night in Nashville with Mandy's family. It was fun going out the first night with Mandy and her sister in law Melanie in the downtown area... But I sure would never want to live there. I had a man come up to me on the street and try and put his paws all over me (he was clearly drunk) and I extended my arm quickly and told him I had a five foot "love leash" and he had better back off.. Mel was standing there with me, and when I walked off he said to Me;, "she knows she wants me."
The next morning after little sleep I headed the wrong way on I-40 E to Lexington Kentucky for Mia's wedding. I have decided that Google Maps just makes simple directions SO complicated. If they had just said "65 N, 168 miles" I would have been fine. But it said stuff like, "slight right to the east on 240 west, merge left after 500 feet." That combined with a lack of coffee sent me an hour out of the way. But I was having such a good time singing with the windows down to Kevin Prosch, I never even cared. Kentucky was great... actually, it is incredibly beautiful where we were in Wilmore. Its all green rolling hills and horse farms everywhere. I was a fan. The wedding was simple and beautiful. Mia was lovely. It was so fun to get to see everyone together for the first time in a long time. Richard and Miss Yokley had a lovely debate that I recorded on the iphone. Something I'll show them in about ten years or so.
We had an amazing drive both to Nashville, and back home. We stopped in Asheville to eat latin food, and saw like 6 different rainbows and almost died in a monsoon going down a mountain. We then went to a Bakery and had peanutbutter pie, where the cashier had to listen to my i "massage therapy center themed restaurant idea to help people in the food and beverage industry" idea. All I have to say is PAT THAI! Ask Mandy.... I was in rare form.
So here we are, back in Charlotte 1,700 miles later. I am a bit traveled out after the last few months... but we know that never lasts all that long. Last night we saw the new Terminator movie. It was incredibly well done, but I have this weird childhood attachment to Terminator 2 that keeps me from fully falling enjoying the new one to maximum capacity. And I really want to watch the second one again after last night. I will make that a goal of the week.
Well... Sorry this is so dang long. I'm usually much shorter about these writings, but again, I am in rare form. Grace and peace to everyone today.

Good Stuff

I never knew that so much could change in my heart so quickly. I should have known God was up to something. All I can say is that over the course of 2 weeks, I look and feel different. I am happy about this. finish the work, Jesus. No one can do it but you.

Psalm 139

For the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.[c]
21 Do I not hate them, O LORD, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Square One

Since this is the raw and unedited blogspot, I'll tell you the REAL version of my day today. I woke up with that familiar heaviness that loves to settle over me like a blanket many days. I was plotting in my head of what adventure I wanted to undertake next in my life. Europe... India... Nepal... It was an awful feeling, to be honest. Nothing ever satisfying. I can't even talk about it most of the time with most people. People always just tell me to stop making agreements with death. Stop giving in to the enemy. It is not always that easy. We want everything to be so black and white (so do i) but there are so many gray areas that love to surround us constantly. It sucks. So I got in my car and called Richard to figure out what the hell to to. He is always the best person to call. His words reminded me when we were still sinners, God came to be with us. IN OUR SIN. Not once we figured out how jacked up we really are and got fixed. Came to dine with us in the MIDST. The thing that trips us up is that we don't really know what the thorn in Paul's flesh was. We have doctrines and sermons and theories formed (some of them valid and convincing) but the truth is that Paul asked God to take it away 3 times. Sometimes we battle and battle and battle for several seasons, and maybe even our whole lives. I think the thing that has been tripping me up the most, is that in MY head, the words many days are, "Tess, you got saved and set free... you shouldn't still be battling these things. It was okay when your mind was darkened from God and you were alienated in your sin and had no idea.. but NOW you have been set free, and you are still a mess. Look at you! ! Look at you. Most other 27 year olds are starting families and careers, and you don't have anything together! Look at you, you don't even have medical insurance. (These are all just examples of what goes on) So here I am on the phone with Richard (who is willing to be a true father by the way) reminds me that God does not love and accept me for who I think that I am. He loes me because He wants to. And when he came and cleaned me up from day 1, it had nothing to do with tess's righteousness, and everything to do with the blood of Jesus. Another thing it has nothing to do with is my opinion about the course of action He takes in my life. We are not really in control. We may think that we are. We are not. Maybe square one is beautiful and necessary again. I don't want anything to do with square 10,000 or whatever one I'm on at the time. At square one, freedom was so real that I could submit myself and feel liberty in every vein in my body. Come sweet freedom once again. I can never recover from square one.

Costa Rica

I don't quite have the time left on this WIFI card to tell each of you hello, so I'm writing an impersonal large, mass produced piece of words for you all to read. Sorry, but internet is expensive and I have yet to see a toucan.
So, here goes.
Day 1... The counter person at US Airways was sleeping on the job as I was trying to check my bags to leave for San Jose. I decided that I should aim for another person to send all of my lovely belongings to central america. I ended up with an extremely nice man from LA who did everything in his ability to accomodate us and even upgrade our seats. Problem is, Ambien man grabbed my suitcase and tried to ship it off to Columbia in to the watchful hands of Pablo Escobars remaining heritage. I was pissed, to say the least. Sleeping beauty detagged the wrong bag, and went off to retrieve my bag to correctly tag it to San Jose. Needless to say, I didnt go through security until I saw my tag.
Got to San Jose, and Max picked us up as we waded through the drobes of masked Costa Ricans, trying to steer clear of the swine flu. We took a scenic drive through the mountains to the Doubletree Resort where we were respectively handed a chocolate chip cookie, and were reminded of the 15 places we could get bar drinks, and the other 15 food stations just to make sure we ate every 2 hours. The beach here is volcanic, and the undertoe is insane. I mean, I wont even get in that water without Jorge or Antonio to protect me.
Day 2.... We upgraded our room after the AC wouldnt cool off enough, and the light shorted out almost electricuting emily. Thank God for protection. Day 2 was chill at the pool and drink mojitos and aquire 15 new underage boyfriends in the pool. One of the fathers even offered to become my father in law to his son Adrienne. No shit. Then I think i had one too many mojitos and did my impression of a monkey in the pool for all the natives. I think they even liked it.
Day 3... We drove up in to the mountains and did a 25 cable zip line canopy tour with 2 repels. I would so do that again. Pretty amazing. Oh, did I mention that we rode horses on the way up to the top, and my horse was so stupid, all he would do was eat rocks, and lick emilys horses butt! We made some american friends, a group of middle aged women that called themselves the cougars.. They were great.
Day 4.. We went to Manuel Antonio National Park and saw white faced monkeys, crazy beaches, 3 toed sloths, bats, crocodiles, and snakes. The rainforest is unbelievable. I want to live there, you can call me Tarzan from now on. We have new friends that are our age from New York and DC. We stayed up late with them last night, and Im sure tonight will be the same. They are really cool, really laid back, and we are fans. We really love it here. It is so diverse, and the people are almost as amazing as the coffee. Have to go, more to come later.