Saturday, February 21, 2009

The Kingdom is in you

"The kingdom is within everyone. Our job is to with our eyes behold a person long enough until we see the kingdom in them, and then tell them what we see."
I heard Jason Upton say that last night. Some people thought it was kind of Universalist. I thought it was incredible. If we are fearfully and wonderfully made and breathed in to existence by our Father, then the kingdom really is within us. Everyone might not be saved yet, but I can recall a time or two (or ten) in my life, that the most prophetic words that were the most powerful came from people that did not yet know the Lord, were not over the age of 5, and didn't even know they were prophetic. We just have to take the time to really listen and respond, and then trust in the act of God speaking through them.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Slow burning flames

Well yay hurray for today. It has been quite good so far. I woke up at 9 in the morning after going to bed at like 3 in the morning, and contemplated going to the gym. Then I contemplated going back to sleep. Sleep won. I got out of bed at 11:30 and ate some apples and yogurt, then cleaned the bathroom to the point of perfection. Then I tackled my car, and half of my room. Then I clipped coupons and ate some of the soup Emily made, which was super good. Now I'm full and about to get ready for work.
This is an excerpt from an older blog that I wrote. I thought this was cool. God gave me this a few months ago.

"Sit before the Word, and begin to let it wash over you." And this probably seems like such an obvious thing to do, but its amazing how quickly we can forget how powerful just sitting before His word is. Its so solid, so unchanging.. And as I began to do this, I have been tapping in to that well of life. I can't say its flowing full force, but I am beginning to feel a burning starting to take place like when you first light a fire. But this time I'm not so much after the huge flames that happen when you first light a bonfire. Those are the flames that quickly burn out. The fire I'm after is what happens when it has been burning for hours in a campfire, and those logs become that really intense, really hot, really hard to put out kind. They are steady and solid, and roast the best marshmallows. They may not be the most loud and flamboyant, or spitting out massive amounts of smoke.. But they are in there, and they are producing a slow, steady heat. I'm thinking this is a good thing."

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Black Cohosh

Well here I am wide eyed at 1:30 in the morning. I kind of wish that I were a morning person. I'm all "in my prime" this time of night, and just kind of feel like an asshole in the morning. Or maybe thats just all day.. Or maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. Or maybe its both. OR.... Maybe I'm really an asshole at night too, but I'm up all by myself and no one is here to cause friction. Or maybe I just said the word asshole too many times for one paragraph. What's that bumper sticker? "Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks your an asshole." Anyhoo, moving on....
Today was pretty chill. Woke up and went to Bedside Baptist again. Attendance was still was low. And Paster Pillow is ready for a feather facelift. This fake down stuff just isn't cutting it anymore, my neck is killing me! I went to the gym for the 7th day in a row. It has become my release time. Get out all that frustration on the machine. Most days it works. I still couldn't quite make it to the normal mark all day though. I felt like an alien from outer space. Kind of like someone had drugged me or something. After that I went to Earth Fare to get some "herbs" to help with PMS. I don't say herbs in "quotes" because of the marryjawanna reference... its because supposedly there is some stuff called black cohosh that will level out my hormones, combined with some other herbs, and by cutting out salt, sugar, caffeine, and adding in more exercise 2 weeks before my cycle starts. WHICH means that on Friday, everything I love, I can't have. I can live without the salt... and I can make it without the sugar... its the caffeine thing that is going to be the hardest. But if it keeps me from becoming the sasquash monster, then anything is worth it...
I am leaving the country in 2 weeks. Excited doesn't quite cover how I feel. Its kind of an empty feeling though, knowing that going to a warm sunny paradise does not make things better. And I'm not going for hope of better. I think maybe to "remember" is more like it. Hopefully I'll get to feel God's presence on this trip at some point. Maybe He will surprise me. I'm not holding my breath though. False expectations breed strange children if you ask me. I can't wait to smell burnt trash.. What a weird thing to get excited about.. But sometimes that shit smell reminds you of home... in a good way...
I worked my ass off this week. 8 shifts in 8 days, 2 of them doubles. I like working. I hate having too many days off... At least if I am at work, I have to focus on work if you know what I mean. I have 5 shifts this week, and a few hair appts... I hate cutting peoples hair now a days, but I'll make an exception for a few people.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

V- Day

uhhhh. dang... I feel incredibly misunderstood most of my life. I feel like a charbroiled piece of shit. Maybe someone should put me in a hotdog bun with globs of ketchup and mustard and eat me for a Valentine picnic. Don't forget the pickle relish.
Well here it is! Vagina day. The lovely hallmark holiday that only girls care about. It really doesn't get to me, because I get to work every year, and it is a never ending source of entertainment for me. I mean guys could really give a sh#% less about the holiday. I can guarantee that the only thing that is going through their head is that they have about a 90% higher chance of getting laid by the end of the night. I'm off to work. I may return with stories. Mercy Jesus! (Pleeeease?)

Friday, February 13, 2009

Murder Mystery

2 Peter 1:5-11

"5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.
10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

My friend Casey and I were talking on the phone yesterday and the Lord had reminded her of this passage of verses in 2 Peter. She was telling me how He showed her that before anything you have to have faith first. If you don't first have faith, you can't add any of these things in that you may desire. They build upon each other. And faith is the gateway. "Without faith it is impossible to please God, because we first must believe that HE IS and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." (Somewhere in hebrews, you can tell how much I've read my bible lately.) This is really good stuff, just thought I might share.
Last night I went to an italian murder mystery wine dinner, which in itself is an oxymoron. When you are trying to figure out "who dunnit," too many glasses of Vallipocella is not going to help you catch the murderer. So Jimmy was the one who invited me to come to the murder mystery.. Emily and I walked in, and I was half expecting to be in a setting where everybody is neatly sitting in their seats, theatre style, with their "ONE" glass of wine, carefully checking their "killer card" and voting at the end. I thought everyone would delicately be slicing in to their roasted chicken and green beans while quiet conversation about the suspected felon was engaged. Was I right? OH NO. It was an interactive Italian potluck murder mystery, where you are supposed to dress up like the mafia, drink too much wine, eat too much orzo salad and bruschetta, and blackmail all the actors for gold coins which in turn, causes you to be the winner. It was straight up mob style, and about the best night I've had in weeks. Within 20 minutes of being in there, one of Jimmy's new friends had been decanting a great bottle of Amarone, and filled my glass up. By the end of the night, Jimmy and I were sucking the helium out of balloons, and saying"hey buddy, wanna go pick some snowberries?" AND the kicker. Jimmy's new friend, Ronnie, came up to me with a gift bag and a $70 bottle of Amarone. He said, "Go home and have a nice night with your boyfriend or girlfriends." I smiled, and thanked him. If he only knew! All in all, I had me a blast...

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Help, Lord! I used to feel like I knew you. Now I don't know what I've become. But I do know that I hate what I'm becoming. So please help... I cannot keep on in the madness of my own mind. So please do... uhhhh... something!

Thursday, February 5, 2009


As I just opened up my blog page, I had slightly forgotten that there was a picture of a "rock star" tampon there. It was too brilliant to pass up, with its stage lighting and all. I just got home from an extremely long night of work. The goal of this weekend is to wait on extremely high maintenance men that work/trade in high fashion. They basically rent out the whole hotel, and show off their lines for the fall, and sell to major department stores, network, etc. So what does that mean to us? The entire weekend, we get to serve the PICKIEST people on the planet. I'm talking, everything that comes out on a plate has had some sort of modification. "Can I please get that filet with no seasoning or steak butter", or "you are just such a doll, can I get some more pinot grigio sweetheart"? Now these may not seem like outlandish requests, but when they don't give you a second to think before they're sending you back to the kitchen once again for the next pain in the ass request---well---it gets a little frustrating. But on the flipside, they are extremely good tippers if you take care of them, and they have the most hilarious high end men's clothing selection around. I mean, they take the word daring to a whole new level. Well, other than working all weekend, I have nothing else to say. I have sold myself to Omaha for the rest of the weekend. So if you don't hear from me again until next week, that may be why. Other than that, tomorrow is my day to kick it in to high gear for the Dominican beach. I know crash dieting is really unhealthy, but half the time thats what everyone is doing when they say they are fasting.. So instead of labeling it fasting, I'll call it what it is. I am crash dieting until March 4th. I would love to lose like 15 pounds before the beach. But in all reality, that is like 3 1/2 weeks, and not looking promising. So, oh well.. If I get the spark of motivation, I guess I'll try and go all out. Whatever. Maybe I should just break my bathroom scale instead. Like, really smash the shit out of it somewhere. It could be liberating for a moment.... until I went out to buy a new one... Well anyway, I have to work 12 hrs tomorrow, so I'm out. Later.

Aunt Flo

I am not a happy camper today. I am sitting in bed with a pint of ben and jerry's to extinguish the flames of aunt flo's most recent visitation to my house. Not the best food choice when you're going to the beach in 3 weeks. Oh well, can't be perfect every day. And today is certainly one of those cases. The next battle is going to be the french fries at work tonight. Oh some days I abhor the food service industry, but admonish its compensation to a degree that far surpasses my irritations. All I can say is that I will most likely be a different human being in about 48 hours. Thank God for everyone that gets to be around me! Okay I'm out for now.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


I am laying in bed eating part of a vegan brownie at the current moment. Not that I'm this big advocate for becoming vegan or anything. Actually, I would highly discourage a person to become vegan, unless they have some "grandioso" idea to supplement protein in to their diet besides the typical soybeans. Soy is not my friend anymore. Not only does it do weird things to my stomach, but apparently it can provide women with a dose of unnecessary estrogen which I know I certainly am not in need of. Actually, there is a girl that I know who was trying to get pregnant for years, and had been a vegetarian for years. One day, she just kinda felt like she was supposed to stop eating soy. She was pregnant within 2 weeks. So.. That was all kind of random, but hopefully informative for anyone who has been unsuccessful at getting pregnant (a category under which I am not a current member).
So I have no real plans for the day today. I am on the mend, and ready to go back to work. I just happened to have the days off that I was sick, and go back in tomorrow. I really wish I was on tonight, though. I don't like having too many days off work in a row. I get aimless, and therefore my mind goes in to a spin. This is never good, and structure IS GOOD dang it! So my goal for the day is to get some sort of reading accomplished.. I might go back to Ephesians 6 and do a silent skit about putting on the armor of God. Maybe I should get up every day, and reach in to my closet and actually physically put it on. Not only would it crack me up, but maybe it would actually work. Maybe. I need to go find a swimsuit sometime in the next few weeks for my beach excursion. Gosh I can't wait to see donkey's running in to the ocean, or a hog riding in the back of a Daihatsu Truck (a south korean brand car that isn't even legal in the US) OR to haggle down the vendors on various Dominican accessories. This time I plan on keeping my skirt on, ha ha. (I had a wrap around skirt fall off of me in a store in Sosua when I was 17, and it was literally so hot outside that I didn't even know that the skirt had fallen off!)
Well, I'm off for now for the adventure that today may hold. Grace and peace to everyone!

Monday, February 2, 2009



14 But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”
15 My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies,
And from those who persecute me.
16 Make Your face shine upon Your servant;
Save me for Your mercies’ sake.
17 Do not let me be ashamed, O LORD, for I have called upon You;
Let the wicked be ashamed;
Let them be silent in the grave.
18 Let the lying lips be put to silence,
Which speak insolent things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous.

19 Oh, how great is Your goodness,
Which You have laid up for those who fear You,
Which You have prepared for those who trust in You
In the presence of the sons of men!
20 You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence
From the plots of man;
You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion
From the strife of tongues.

21 Blessed be the LORD,
For He has shown me His marvelous kindness in a strong city!
22 For I said in my haste,
“I am cut off from before Your eyes”;
Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications
When I cried out to You.
I have come to the conclusion sometime between dreamland and right now that God really is for me. I had a dream last night that I was in Wilmington NC again, but in the middle of the dream, the scene switched to a classroom setting.. There was a man sitting in this class with me, and he told me that we were on the island of St. John. I had never met him before in my life, but I loved him deeply. It pained my heart when he told me that he had to leave St. John. He proceeded to tell me that he was going to come back for me, not to worry. In the midst of all of this, I wasn't sure if I was working or in a classroom. It was almost as if I were on a fashion committee, in a fashion/design sort of school. When I woke up, my interpretation of all of this, was first of all, the book of John is referred to often as St. John. John is the gospel of relationship. In the dream I was in a classroom setting. So I took that as learning about relationship, and how to have them. John was also the disciple that Jesus loved, the one that leaned up against him chest. The one that really understood intimacy. I haven't dug in to the rest of it yet, so I'll take insight.
Relationship is tough. Especially when you are in a season of life where the Holy Spirit seems to be irritating every area of your life and your heart. This is literally what is going on with me right now. Someone could do something that isn't even a big deal right now, and it will just annoy the hell out of me. For awhile there, I thought I was losing my mind... Now I know that I am perfectly sane. Mandy reminded me the other night that it is all about control, and the need to be in control. We (I) don't like what I don't understand, and therefore can't control. It causes me to run and to squirm, and to do everything possible to stay away from people. But the cool thing is, that God is at work. And He has been all along. It's just today that I am realizing it. And it is really cool. I heard it said recently, "Blessed are you when you realize--QUICKLY--that you're not in control of your own life and your own destiny." That is the most honest statement that I have heard in recent times. Because no matter how prophetic or charismatic of "I feel like this is going to happen in this season"----- We really don't know! We weren't ever promised tomorrow. So that would mean that God is probably challenging us to live in the now... Which I know (being a control freak of sorts) that is one hell of a hard thing to live out! But thats my challenge for you today if you are reading this. The challenge to "live in the now." Not in the "I'm gonna do this next year, and I plan on getting my bachelors in this, or go on a missions trip to Zimbabwe......." Its good stuff to reach for don't get me wrong.. But it's said somewhere that "a man plans his own way, but the Lord directs his steps." And another thing... Don't take yourself so damn seriously! God is totally for you... He is the one that seeks after you.. He remembers that you are dust.. And last but not least... HE who began a good work in you will certainly carry it out until completion.. This is a really really good thing... Have a nice day, everyone.