Saturday, November 29, 2008

OH the joy...

It's been awhile since I've been on here.. I just got home from Ohio a few days ago after being there for a week. It was good to see everyone. I guess I would have to label the time under the "bittersweet" category, though. I feel the distance, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't think day to day contact necessarily fixes growing up, and growing apart. I feel it in so many relationships in my life right now. I feel like I am living in a movie some days.. Like I'm this fictional character walking around and observing reality, but unable to live inside reality. Some days I wonder if that is my destiny. To be able to peer in only so far, but never pass the threshold and never truly enter in. The thought of it spits me out like a rushing river in to a sea (or stagnant pond) of regret. And then I float and try and tread through the "shit" water and then end up sinking in to the mud. But this time, I have come to realize that I have gone through this cycle so many times that one day I half expect God to leave me in my pile of shit, to be eaten by whatever passing animal walks by. Sorry so graphic, its the only way I can explain it at this point. But I'm hoping that one of these days, I will be thrown off of my somewhat "roller coaster" of an existance and be able to be of some use to people, and not just be a failure. This is not a self pity session, this is just my current reality. Well, other than that, I need another job. I can't handle only like 25 hrs a week.. I need to be more busy, I'm losing my mind. (and I need more money to support my hummus and cheese habit..) Well, have a good night to all...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My dream last night

I had a dream last night that I was with the Carrs (somewhere I'm not exactly sure where we were) But we were putting out the fire on this huge boat. I knew it was important that we were putting out the fire in this boat for some reason. Timothy was preaching, (in so many words) that he finally GOT it.. He wished he had gotten it years ago, because IT was the hidden secret. Love your life and you will lose it.. He kept walking around and talking about losing your life.. Then after we all got in the water to help put out the fire on the house boat, he got the whole family to get in a plane, told everyone he's not afraid anymore, and took them all to Europe.

Saturday, November 8, 2008


I am in the mountains as we speak.  It is so beautiful.  Josanne and I escaped to Boone-Wilkes-Moravia for the weekend.  Its so nice, and I feel so much rest and joy in the Lord being up here.  We drove on the Blue Ridge Parkway for hours today, went to some organic eatery for dinner, then made music videos in the hotel room for hours.  I laughed. I cried. I may wet the bed, too soon to tell.. But it was all worth it..  I have felt a deepening sense of the Lords presence, just being up here. There isn't that swirl that can overtake you in Ft. Mill sometimes.  I have been able to remember while being here that I am a daughter of God.  He whispers gently in to my ear, and His voice is sweeter than any of the other noise that tries to prevail over me.  I need it much and gladly receive... Thank you Lord..  Thank you for joy and peace.. Amen..  Grace and peace to all..

Monday, November 3, 2008

Oh yeah, baby!

Well, it has definitely been an action packed few days.  Lora had the baby late Saturday night at 11:56... So amazing.. The timing and everything.. Its really amazing how God's timing is completely perfect.  Leo had been saying for days and days (he's 2 1/2) that the baby would be born on Saturday, and that it would be a boy.. Now on Lora's end, thinking about the baby coming on Saturday was like waiting an eternity.. Even on my end, I was watching and thinking, "Man, I would have gotten induced already..." But looking back on the week, the timing was amazing.. Little Joseph is perfect.. Innocent, helpless, dependent.. All he really does is eat and sleep and cry.. It is so fun to hold him and try and figure out how to get him to stop crying.. They don't come with instruction manuals, you know.. When it says to raise up a child in the way he should go, it doesn't come with fine print that explains how to differentiate the "feed me" cry from the "change me" cry from the "just hold me" cry... It is the beauty of discovering who they are as an individual son or daughter to figure out how to attend to their individual needs... It blows my mind to think about.. it is sweet to watch and learn in preparation for the day that I get to differentiate my own baby's several ringtones, and how to respond to each of them.. So I'm having fun with the process.. And am loving this new little life that has only been here for like 48 hours... More later.. Have a lovely night to all...

Saturday, November 1, 2008


So I'm officially sick of politics... Like for real. And I'm not just talking on the media end that mercilessly slanders anything conservative or pro-life. I'm talking on the conservative side as well, that is in some cases a closed door to the possibility of God being big and accomplishing His purposes His way and in His timing. Now I'm going to be careful here.. But isn't he the creator of the Heavens and the Earth.. The one who puts rulers in and takes them out..? So how do we know the avenue in which He is going to accomplish this? I think we can grow incredibly arrogant in our thinking (as the church) and completely dispel the big picture of down the road.. We really don't know what will happen.. God teaches us how to pray.. He said to pray "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.. Give us this day our daily bread.. Forgive us our trespasses.. As we forgive those who trespass against us.. lead us not in to temptation, but deliver us from the evil one." He taught us to pray His Kingdom come.. His will be done.. Not "your kingdom come your will be done only if it looks like its probably the way you would work because this is the way you've worked in the past... as it is in heaven.." My point is, God is BIG.. Big G big O big D... He's a romans 8:28 new testament, awesome "works all things for good" God.. I'm not coming at this from a lazy greasy grace perspective.. It's the truth of who he says he is in his character.. He can really do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or speak.. So heres my final conclusion.. If Obama becomes president, are we gonna pray for him? Are we really gonna pray for him, or are we going to complain and talk about how everything he does is evil... Are we going to put up a picture of him in our classrooms and honor him as a leader and take up the cause to pray for him like we would pray for Bush? This is the kingdom of God, people.. Its the real deal.. Its loving your enemies, and praying for those who persecute you. Okay I'm done with my little rant..