Thursday, September 25, 2008

Better than wine

Nothing is ever guaranteed to us in this life.  We aren't promised tomorrow.  He doesn't owe it to us.  We might only have today.  So right now at this very moment, I am living in, breathing in what He is doing today.  The here and the now.  The peace of His presence is all I have, and all that I need.  How quickly I turn to chase other lovers less wild than Him.  Draw me, and I will run after you.  Your love is better than wine.  And you know how I like wine.

First Love

"Letting go of all that surrounds me.. I'm returning to my first love.. I surrender, Lord take all of me.. I'm returning to my first love."

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Industry and Fire

Well, here I am... Still in bed at noon on Sunday with no great expectations of getting up soon.. Its one of those days where I'm going to be at work until all hours of the night, so I've decided to just lay here.. Productive, I know.. But maybe slightly necessary. I have a bit to process with the Lord that I have been covering up in recent weeks, and if He wants to speak, I want to listen. I came to the realization last night, that I have to get out of this industry soon. My nights are all sucked away in to the abyss of the food service industry. And it has nothing to do with me liking or not liking it. I actually (unlike alot of people i know) love waiting tables. I love it where I do it especially. I love the challenge of selling good wine and causing my tables to try new things.. I love being able to convince someone that "if they order the top sirloin, they're gonna go home regretting not ordering the ribeye..." Its really cool to get sat a table that is in a really badass mood, and be able to completely turn their night around.. Make them smile.. And the money has always been not only good money, but QUICK money.. I mean its been slow lately, but the economy always boosts back up eventually.......... So whats my beef with this industry? Its just dang hard.. It has an entire culture that goes along with it..  It is very hard to work from 4-11 most nights, and then come straight home and go to bed.. I mean, its just not going to happen... So you create a community within the culture that you're placed.. And sometimes it is awesome, and you get to see God do amazing things... and then sometimes its really rough.. You know, when you're in Rome do as the Romans do.. Im not saying to do this.. Im just saying.... Ya know what Im sayin? So I guess if Im going to stay in this industry, Im going to have to set up some serious boundries as to when and where I spend my time.. I woke up this morning and really realized that (and had been for weeks.) 
Other than work, I've been dry as a freakin haystack spiritually for weeks now.. I don't view this as a bad thing anymore. I see it as positioning to ignite in to flames.. And I want to be lit up in the worst way possible at this very moment.. So this is my plea for you to light me up again, God.. If you'll light me, I'll burn..

Friday, September 12, 2008

What kind of love...

I was just wondering... what kind of love can be so infused in to a person that they could take the killer of their child in their arms in complete forgiveness.. I am struggling to comprehend this in my worldly mind.. Only looking in to Jesus's eyes can that make any sense. I have been reading countless stories of people that no one has ever heard about, who have forgiven and prayed for the killer of their child (or multiple children) I don't even have kids yet.. And in my mind I can only imagine the love that you have for your child.. So I guess this is my weak heart asking to know this kind of love.. This kind of forgiveness. It can only happen with such an infusion of the Love of God.. I can't say at this moment that I quite get that.. But I want to.

Friday, September 5, 2008

My Night

Today was a good day.  Or I really should say, a good night.  The day part was me being in pain (my stomach was just not my friend today) I walked in to Morningstar with an attitude in my heart, not quite wanting to be there, even though I was excited Jonathan Helser was leading. I had zero expectation in my heart for the Lord to meet me, and I half thought He didn't want to. I wanted to eat my dark chocolate espresso beans in peace, by myself, dangit. But I made a non emotional decision to go stand off to the side of the stage, and "fake my way in the gates of thanksgiving." I felt absolutely nothing for about the first 10 minutes.. And then the river started to flow.. And then the dam broke. I started to laugh and smile and after about 20 minutes, I was simultaneously laughing and weeping at the same time. By the time they were ready to do the offering, I could barely stand on my feet it was so thick. I think I about fell on Claire's leg, and had my head laid on Molly's leg for the next 10 min. after that. I had no idea going in just how desparately bad I needed that. How much I needed Him.  And I had it in my head that He didn't and wouldn't really show up for me tonight. I haven't had 45 minutes like that since the beginning of the breakout meetings in April. It was such a tangible, powerful presence of God's love for me.  I am so thankful.  It was so needed.  I need Him.  
The art show was fun.  Lots of art and friends, old and new.  I have really enjoyed meeting new people.  Its such a new season. Wow.  We ended the night at Sir Ed's (surprise, surprise) with the usual jerk nachos.  Now its off to bed for another full night tomorrow night.  John Mark's CD release party at the Visualite, and then a Headlamp Dance Party afterparty.  I need to get up in the morning and buy a headlamp, and then take some dance lessons by tomorrow night.  And the Greek Festival tomorrow.. I can't forget about the Greek Festival.  Baklava and honeypuffs never have let me down.. Have a stunning evening, and a breakfast filled morning to all who read these words.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Instant Replay

It is 2 in the morning. I should be asleep, but am awake, nevertheless. So I will try and say something profound, even though my brain is mush about now. Okay..... wait for it.... here it comes... crap I forgot. Nothing profound, so I'll recap my day. I woke up, went on a cleaning and organizing frenzy after a whole pot of french pressed gazebo... I daydreamed and played music while doing so. I listened to Great River Road, and started missing Clare. I drove to Southpark dreaming of a new shirt, and everything was a million dollars (surprise, surprise.. even clearance can be pricey) I went to work, and consumed way too much MORE coffee, leading to virtual heart palpitations (not a good thing) I talked to Em for a long time tonight, which was the highlight of my ordinary day.. I was so excited that Heather had a 2 hour labor, and a GIRL! And a beautiful baby at that.  I delighted (somewhat) in the fact that God orders my steps. I have to really grasp on to that one by faith, sometimes. In my own brain, I'm like, "are you actually in all of this?" And He so kindly reminds me that he is.. And that He will be.. And that He has been.. And will continue to be. He is so kind. He doesn't have to be so kind, but I'm so glad he is. I've been stirred lately to start writing down some of the testimonies of "God Things" that I've seen in the Lord. Ill try and remember the really fun ones, for all of your viewing pleasure. Well, grace and peace to everyone, I'm out. Like a light...

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Coffee and such

I don't have much time to write today, so this is gonna be kind of scattered and such.  I'll give you a rundown of  the loves and unloves (is that a word?) of the last several days.. I have decided to have a life long love affair with french pressed coffee. There is no substitute with a regular coffee maker. I'm discovering that to do so is just a downright travesty. I have discovered once again that I have a few questions brewing in my heart, but complete peace from my Father, which is good. Really good, actually. I am recovering from a nasty cold that I caught over the weekend (and ended up getting really well needed sleep as a result) which I'm very grateful for. Last night during worship, the sweetness of the Lord was so good to me. It was completely unexpected (I didn't have to work) and much needed. By the end of the night, my heart had melted, and I knew that I had entered His rest. I'm excited about this weekend. Art show on friday, greek festival somewhere saturday during the day (hinging on the potential hurricane weather) and then the Visualite on Saturday. I love the way that place is set up, its my favorite venue around here. Well, I have to go now... To all who are reading this, know that you are most definitely, absolutely, lavishly, crazily loved today. Until next time....