Control

PSALM 31

14 But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”
15 My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies,
And from those who persecute me.
16 Make Your face shine upon Your servant;
Save me for Your mercies’ sake.
17 Do not let me be ashamed, O LORD, for I have called upon You;
Let the wicked be ashamed;
Let them be silent in the grave.
18 Let the lying lips be put to silence,
Which speak insolent things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous.

19 Oh, how great is Your goodness,
Which You have laid up for those who fear You,
Which You have prepared for those who trust in You
In the presence of the sons of men!
20 You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence
From the plots of man;
You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion
From the strife of tongues.

21 Blessed be the LORD,
For He has shown me His marvelous kindness in a strong city!
22 For I said in my haste,
“I am cut off from before Your eyes”;
Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications
When I cried out to You.
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I have come to the conclusion sometime between dreamland and right now that God really is for me. I had a dream last night that I was in Wilmington NC again, but in the middle of the dream, the scene switched to a classroom setting.. There was a man sitting in this class with me, and he told me that we were on the island of St. John. I had never met him before in my life, but I loved him deeply. It pained my heart when he told me that he had to leave St. John. He proceeded to tell me that he was going to come back for me, not to worry. In the midst of all of this, I wasn't sure if I was working or in a classroom. It was almost as if I were on a fashion committee, in a fashion/design sort of school. When I woke up, my interpretation of all of this, was first of all, the book of John is referred to often as St. John. John is the gospel of relationship. In the dream I was in a classroom setting. So I took that as learning about relationship, and how to have them. John was also the disciple that Jesus loved, the one that leaned up against him chest. The one that really understood intimacy. I haven't dug in to the rest of it yet, so I'll take insight.
Relationship is tough. Especially when you are in a season of life where the Holy Spirit seems to be irritating every area of your life and your heart. This is literally what is going on with me right now. Someone could do something that isn't even a big deal right now, and it will just annoy the hell out of me. For awhile there, I thought I was losing my mind... Now I know that I am perfectly sane. Mandy reminded me the other night that it is all about control, and the need to be in control. We (I) don't like what I don't understand, and therefore can't control. It causes me to run and to squirm, and to do everything possible to stay away from people. But the cool thing is, that God is at work. And He has been all along. It's just today that I am realizing it. And it is really cool. I heard it said recently, "Blessed are you when you realize--QUICKLY--that you're not in control of your own life and your own destiny." That is the most honest statement that I have heard in recent times. Because no matter how prophetic or charismatic of "I feel like this is going to happen in this season"----- We really don't know! We weren't ever promised tomorrow. So that would mean that God is probably challenging us to live in the now... Which I know (being a control freak of sorts) that is one hell of a hard thing to live out! But thats my challenge for you today if you are reading this. The challenge to "live in the now." Not in the "I'm gonna do this next year, and I plan on getting my bachelors in this, or go on a missions trip to Zimbabwe......." Its good stuff to reach for don't get me wrong.. But it's said somewhere that "a man plans his own way, but the Lord directs his steps." And another thing... Don't take yourself so damn seriously! God is totally for you... He is the one that seeks after you.. He remembers that you are dust.. And last but not least... HE who began a good work in you will certainly carry it out until completion.. This is a really really good thing... Have a nice day, everyone.