Friday, January 30, 2009

Roller Coaster

I have come to the conclusion that most days my life is a roller coaster.  A winding, steep, loopy, wonderful one at that.  And on some of those really crazy roller coaster days where you take the uncertainty of  almost everything in your life, and then combine it with PMS and enough progesterone to bring Hitler back from the dead, what do you end up with?  A plane ticket to a foreign country.  Yes, folks, I was having a meltdown last night at about 3 in the morning, and I bought a plane ticket to the Dominican Republic.  I go for a week on March 4th.  Non refundable.  First words out of my mouth when I woke up in my right mind were, "Oh, shit." And then I laughed at myself and reminded myself again that I'm single, and free, and will never be able to do stuff like this again once I have kids.  Well, I guess I could, but it would fall under the "child neglect" category. But as the day has progressed, I have recalled Romans 8:28.  And also feel like God laughs at me at times.. And knows me oh so well.. And for that I am more thankful than anyone could ever know.  He sees us at our best, and He sees us at our worst... we try and run away from everything, and He takes us by the hand and leads us if we will let Him.  It is such a mystery, though.. One day I can be driving in my car, asking Him to take all of me, in the midst of an act of genuinely trying to surrender my heart and my will to be like Him.  That He would be my everything, and that I would finally be able to stop wandering around in the desert of my existance.  Then 6 hours later, I can be grumbling about my life, and about how unfair it is, and about how everyone else has it so much better, and how I don't understand anything about life, and then, well, buying plane tickets to foreign countries (well, this one is not quite a foreign land to yours truly) And I don't think He's angry.  And I'm starting to maybe think that Philippians 1:6 might even be slightly true, though most days I've given up on that.  So to sum it all up, I am going to Juan Dolio, DR March 4-10.  I am starting to get excited, just thinking about the smell of the country that most would call "shit burning trash pit" smell.  But it is a smell that I miss, and even long for some days.  Its a funny thing, that the smell of burning trash could almost bring tears to your eyes.  But when I smell that smell, I think of freedom and redemption.  I am once again reminded that God came to set the captives free.. And still does.  I may just need to experience it again, firsthand.

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