Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Don't read this if you don't like the F-Bomb

So I hit point this week where I got very fed up.  At everything. I could rename Ft. Mill, Ft. Hell at the moment.  No one did anything specifically, I just feel like my life and neighborhood is a circus act sometimes. I live by a fucking castle and tower! Sorry if the cussing is offensive, I just don't have better words to express myself at the moment. Some days I just want to throw a block party with a nice fat keg of Newcastle. Maybe if everyone had some beer, we'd all get over ourselves and stop playing the "us and them" game. We are all dust. So lets kick back a few together. (I'm open to other beer selections, as long as they are imports, or red wine will do just fine.) I could say so so much right now, but I will conclude with just a few words. I am ready to dive in to a sea of risk... In the core of my being, I am ready to do that. I'm praying for the wisdom to discern what that looks like. Even if it means being broke, in a van, down by the river, I'm open. So much was opened in my heart last week while in Wilmington, about all of this. I would rather die in the land of fulfillment, then to live in the misery of comfort for one moment longer. And its not this intense every day... but the days that are intense are so real, and suck so much! I am by the minute becoming so jaded to and angry about the organized church to the point that I could scream and vomit at the same time. I question so much. And it doesn't matter which one it is.. It's the American Church in general.. It makes me want to scream most of the time, and if I hear one more person suggest going to church as a recreational activity, I'm going to explode. I would rather be with Him in my car than be caught up in so much of the bullshit that I see happening. And this is just in the outer fringes of things. People screwing people over, so much sexual perversion its disgusting.. People lying about stupid shit to cover things up... I am fucking over it! So there...I'm done. I'm going to take my bi polar self to my happy place.. Peace out.

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