I was sitting at Global River this morning and I had this thought running through my head... Or maybe it was more like multiple swirls of thoughts trying to lay siege on my sanity. You know, those thoughts that run through your head and try and remind you of all the regret, and all the things that if you had done "this better" or "that differently" that your life would be different. And this swirl just starts to drive me crazy. Its that accusing spirit.. I guess thats why satan is called "the accuser of the brethren." He walks around accusing us all day long, seeking whom he may devour. He's always trying to get access through our thought life. Always trying to get us to speak death instead of life over ourselves. Constantly reminding us of our inadequecies. but this morning as I was beginning to fall in to this thought pattern, I all of a sudden saw myself in a white room with white garments. Its a picture I have been getting from time to time lately. Then I saw a picture of this timeline of my past and I saw Jesus take this big pink eraser and literally erase my past. He said to me, do you really believe that when you come to me you are truly forgiven, and do you really believe that I DO NOT SEE IT. This should be such basic stuff I guess, but I think I thought I was carrying around so many tally marks on the "Oh crap I blew it" side of life that He must be looking at me as a failure. Not only did I realize that it has nothing to do with my current performance, but that my past is covered under the blood no matter what any man thinks. And if this is true, then that changes everything. Check this out:
No Confidence in the Flesh
1Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you.
2Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh. 3For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh— 4though I myself have reasons for such confidence.
If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; 6as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.
7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
This is really good stuff. Its so easy to fall in to the mindset that when we are doing well that God looks at us differently. And it causes shame when we are doing lousy because we want to clean ourselves up and then come to Him.. That whole "God helps those that help themselves." Well that line is a bunch of bullshit. God helps those that stop helping themselves, and learn to wait upon Him and THEN their strength will be renewed. Its something to think about.