30 Days

I sit on this lovely couch on a lovely spring day in Dallas, Texas accompanied by a large box of assorted chocolates, a wonderful fiance, and probably the worst cold I've had in years. I am getting married in exactly 30 days to the most wonderful man I know, and our lives are full of sunshine and roses!
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That last statement I mean with my whole very heart, I promise. HAHA. We have not had your typical engagement. In fact, if you had told me that we would go through what we have gone through and continue to go through over the last 2 months, we would have eloped to Tahiti. (I am not joking when i say this either) It has literally been one thing after another. I think I finally hit my wall yesterday after we lost half our wedding party, and then I was told by my mother that my wedding seems to be "doomed." This made me want to elope even more. I had to fight disappointment literally the entire day yesterday, fighting the feeling that we are not important enough... that it would be BETTER for us to just quietly escape and elope than continue on with our plans. I know that this is not technically true (so I've been told) but I'd say that there is a huge part of me that doesn't actually believe that right now. The beautiful thing is that at the end of the day, Jesus is our standard. And he says that He made himself nothing. This means that he didn't get offended if he felt un-important and didn't make equality with the world something to be grasped. I (in all of my fleshly splendor) have a very hard time with this most days. It's hard to not compare your life with others... It's also a terribly bad idea to compare your wedding with other weddings... at the end of the day it is a wedding, not a marriage. These are just some of the thoughts that have been swimming through my head over the last couple days.
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Now to the beautiful part. Going through trial has formed a love and a bond to my fiance that I may never would have experienced if we had had a typical engagement. I love him more than I did a week ago. And it has not been easy by any means! We have had to (on many many occasions) throw up our hands in weakness and surrender not knowing what to do. We have made decisions, changed decisions, re-changed decisions, and then came back to some original decisions on many things. At the end of the day, and even on the really hard days, I am so honored that I get to spend my life learning to love with him.
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So here's my toast to the unknown. Over and over and over and over for the rest of my life.